Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
