It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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