What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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