the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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