please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
