YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
