I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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