We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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