just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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