Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
