How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i may or may not be watching the land before time
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
