He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
