No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
