He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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