all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
