You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My vagina is officially offended.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
