drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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