you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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