Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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