they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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