im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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