How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
