she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
