Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
