remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
