Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
