you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
