Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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