i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
