3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
