I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
