you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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