New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
