I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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