okay pat passed out under dana's car
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
