thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
