I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
