Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
did you just send me my own nude
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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