Buhtt sex?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
