my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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