Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I enjoy the company of your penis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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