I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
