She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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