I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
