i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
