I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
