i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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