There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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