If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
