Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
