my mouth tastes like poor choices
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
