you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
