Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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