what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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