Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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