So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
