How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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