I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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