dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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