Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
