In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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