I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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