Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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