My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
