if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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