Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
