Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
