Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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