Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
