2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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