I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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