i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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