mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
