you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
