Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
