I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
