she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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