I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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