its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
