I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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