eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
