Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
