ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
