I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
