You smell like stripper and shame
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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