i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
