she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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