I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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