I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
