its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
